First Flirtation with this Portal

Hello)))) there. Welcome to a deeper understanding of our connection: who I am and, by way of your own self examination, who I am to you.

Please forgive any streaks of ego within this while I attempt to keep that shit in check. I’m a complicated guy who strives for sincere honesty. It can be an intense journey, I am told. Lucky for me I am an intense guy. Being an Aries with Gemini rising has provided my time in this realm with many many mistakes and equally as many blessings. I hide not behind that which I am ashamed of. I fear not that which I do not yet know. I choose to learn from the cathartic experience I find myself immersed in and also choose to remain grounded in positive outlook. One could say I’m an optimist.

Close friends have called me “a hot cup of coffee” and they have been nothing short of accurate. I’m warm. Sometimes I’m hot. Rarely I transform into some kind of transcending plasmatic state of fire but that’s another post from the future. I’ve learned from burned bridges, melted hellish misery down to make heavy metal, chaotically encompassed new territory just for the fuck of it, and I’ve loved. It’s a saga of fire in a lot of ways. Full of changes and ripe with potential for rapid events.

I’ve always thought that life is always best understood whatever that means. I believe in doubt as a power and I believe that sharing the experience (the journey) provides an enriched experience; more detail to draw conclusions from as well. I have spent countless magical moments both spontaneous and planned with my wife of eight years. Together we have co-manifested our greatest creation: our son. These traditional pathways through our modern society have shed light onto meaning for me in ways I didn’t expect. Ways I am still trying to understand as I grow with them. One constant in my life is music. All my life I’ve been into music and sounds. As such, I have chosen to focus my passion for music in various ways throughout my history.

Time and time again, music has pulled me through the darkest ears of my own timeline. Time and time again has the chaos of creating songs and sounds solicited a Cheshire like grin and joy upon my soul. I dig cats too. Music is my mistress and boy is she good to me. In my time, I’ve tried my hand at a lot of different genres. Metal hold a special place in my heart but I’ve also had lot of fun with writing and producing hiphop beats. I’ve made techno, country, pop rock, punk, symphonic compositions, synth soundscapes, spoken word works, noise core, beatbox, and classical guitar pieces. Jack of all musics - Master of none. Being the fool who abandons boundaries and pushes concepts upon others is often free to learn more than those who follow only discipline. That being said, I can not say that I am without a jealous streak towards the discipline of other musicians; jealous of the glorious gifts accompanying them in such virtuous endeavors.

I hope to discover something similar to music with writing and that's part of why I'm doing all this. I suppose that my ego needs some kind of release as well. At this age, I'm not worried about admitting that. Especially considering how healthy it is to release negative energies through cathartic experience.

Perhaps this is it for me, perhaps it will just be the documentation of my journey. Whatever it is, this beast is my sincere attempt to mange mental health, discover support, and fight off my imposter syndrome (self diagnosed), I decided to write all this and start up something I like to call “Mystic Nick’s Mess”. This is just the beginning.

Once again, welcome. May you discover something.

-MN